It never goes away.
It stays buried in the deepest part of your soul waiting for any opportunity to take over.
No matter how busy you get, it lingers there in your head.
While you listen to music or watch a movie, it’s there.
While working or playing or in the middle of conversation, it’s there.
While washing dishes or doing the laundry, it’s there.
No matter how hard you try to occupy your head, it’s there.
You’re laughter is heard by everyone but they don’t see your soul fading away.
When you feel alone while being surrounded by people who care is never right.
Let it go.
Let it go.
Let it go.
Keep on moving.
Leave it behind.
Having one doesn’t make you weak. It actually makes you stronger.
To tame such beast and keep it in a small space in your head is a lot of work.
Let it remind you that you are strong. Stronger than that thing that’s eating you inside.
When the beast is whispering in your head, ignore it.
It will try crawl it’s way out but don’t let your shield down.
Good things around you may feel like false happiness but they are stepping stones to be better.
Hold on to those little happy thoughts even if it’s just a grasp.
Little by little, your soul will heal. It is scarred, but it will heal.
Then one day, someday, it will be good.
It is a waiting game. Be patient.
I am not telling you to be happy.
I am telling you to be patient.
Today is the first day of the year 2009.
For me, it is a new beginning for everything. An opportunity to completely bury your past behind, bringing with you the lessons you learned from your experiences.
Most people gather a list of their new year’s resolutions. A list of usually bad habits that they promised to change for the year. When i was a kid, i used to make my own lists but later on i realized, i am not too diligent to do my resolutions. I started to believe that it is not only during the beginning of the year that i could change.
On this very first day of the year, I am trying to figure out how to manage my life. I want do something new for the year and at the same time, try to accomplish things.
My mind has been overloaded with thoughts and opportunities bringing me into chaos and lots of options to choose from. In the end, I am left confused and undecided.
For this year, I want to pursue my writing. I want to write, write, write. There is something in writing that soothes me. It makes me alive and relaxed.
Next, I really need to get my Zend PHP Certification the first quarter of the year. Because the review is expensive, i’ll be self-studying and save the money for the exam itself.
I want to polish my web designing skill. I’m poor when it comes to design. I can’t materialize the designs popping in my head. After that, i’ll create my portfolio.
Traveling is also in my to-do lists. I really want to visit and explore new places and get up close with mother nature. I want to see dolphins, do hiking, sunbathing while in bikini(hahahaha) and ride the airplane. I haven’t rode a plane!!! darn.
So far, these are the my year long goals. Hopefully, I could do them all.
Happy New Year 2009 🙂
I have been a living being for more than 2 decades now and I could say, lots of things have changed. Sometimes, reality check is a very helpful action to evaluate how your life have been. I took some time to see how my life is going.
I am happy with my life right now but ironically, i misses a bunch.
Here are the things i missed in myself.
- Being alone. I grew up in different places with different persons. During those times, I was often left alone doing stuffs all by myself. Eating, playing, doing chores and other things are included in the list. Some of the times, i just hang out in my room reading books, creating scrap books or simply staring at the ceiling. This is also the time wherein i could talk to myself and reflect.
- Being spontaneous. I go to anywhere the wind carries me. I change my mind in a snap and do anything i like. But now, i have to re-think things first before deciding. I have to plan how my day 2 days before.
- Book reading. I LOOVVVEEEE reading and i hate it that i can’t finish a single book these days.
- Playing games. Besides computer games, I love playing board games and other indoor games. Chess, games of the generals, badminton and volleyball are in my list. I am not athletic anymore and i feel physically unhealthy.
- Gimiks. I miss going to bars, restaurants, houses and anywhere.
- Drinking sessions. We surely drink a lot. I remembered this one time when me and my friends hang out in our place and drunk 4 long neck bottles of emperador and a few bottles of red horse. I was knocked out. 😛
- Friends. We now have different lives and our schedules doesn’t fit. And mostly seldom keep in touch. I feel sad because it seems like they have forgotten about me. I feel happy because they are all doing great with their lives. I understand that we are all busy. Just a small hope is kept in my heart.
I am a more mature person right now and i guess i have planned how my life should turned out so much.
My world is so crowded right now that i needed some space. Time to think and re-order my plans. I am in a mess and i have to fix things up.
It was such an odd weekends. So different from my regular Saturday and Sunday routine.
I ended up my TGIF night at 3:30 in the morning after reading a lots from old magazines. Haven’t got the time to pay attention to reading materials lately. There are many interesting tips and topics that i have read and i learned much. I’ll post some of the useful tips from the mags to share with you.
My Saturday begun early at 8 o’clock in the morning. The usual wake up time for this day is around pass 2 o’clock in the afternoon. To start the day, we ate pandesal and pancit canton(Lucky Me!) just like the typical days when you don’t have work or school. Usually, I don’t eat breakfast because I am always in the rush every morning.
After a quick breakfast, we went downstairs to the mini-park aka garden of the condo area to jog. We jogged back and forth for some time. I only lasted for 5 rounds of a 25-meter long walking area. It was tiring but felt great. I haven’t jogged for a long time and doing it again was so amazing. Every sweat is worth. We bought buko juice from a cart vendor passing by. So refreshing.
It was brunch time when we got back to the house. We ate the pancit canton while watching “Step Up” which we had left after breakfast. The movie was great but unfortunately, the movie copy is not good and just went on hanging over and over. We ended up watching “Game KNB?” but it’s okay. I missed watching TV a LOT! I haven’t got the time to watch because I leave the house early and came back late. *sigh. Anyways, the game was fun and i liked it when we are tried to answer the questions. It was fun!
Lunch time came and we are still in front of the TV. This time it was Willie Revillame’s show “Wowowee”. I don’t like that noon time show. I kinda felt it boring and most of the time corny. But that Saturday, i tried to keep an opened mind. Thankfully, It was an entertaining episode. I was amazed with the senior citizens who were part of their segment “Bigatin”. One lolo sang a kundiman song whole-heartedly that he even cried while singing. It was a touching and pitiful moment. Touching because he sang from the heart. Pitiful because people laughed at him as he cry while singing. I can’t blame them. The show was meant to make people happy. The sad part is, they are laughing on someone else’s wistful moment. Oh well. While we are enjoying the show, we are eating lunch. we had corned beef and dinengdeng.
Over the meal we decided to watch movie. We have long awaited for the “Forbidden Kingdom” since the first time we heard of it. This movie would be the first time that Jackie Chan and Jet Li will be appearing on the big screen together. I am so excited about it and was really anxious to watch. We have agreed to watch the 3:15PM show time at the Trinoma cinema. After eating, we took a rest and started preparing for our day out.
To be continued…
It was indeed a very tiring night for me. We did a lots of walking around that it seems like we have went around Luzon. Romeo, his sister and I went to look for a computer table. From the office we went to Trinoma. The first plan last night was to check out clothes to buy for office attire. But because I am already tired, I just passed this chance to get new outfits for myself. And so, we went to The Block and check out the Hypermarket for tables.
I’ll just cut it short. From Trinoma to The Block. Then around Hypermarket. Then went up to eat at KFC. Then went to the main building to check the department store. Then back to Hypermarket.
After all the marathon walks, we ended up buying nothing. The one the we have chosen was already out of stock and the one displayed is already ruined and damaged. And so, we went home with no new thing bought from our walkathon.
I supposed to like the window shopping but I got stressed out from the long day of work. But I must admit, I did enjoyed our mall adventure. It was what i needed right now, a new place and event.
sadly, my body was already tired. I have reached the ultimate limit of my shakra that I don’t have anything left.
I am still looking forward to another window shopping. Hopefully, next time, I have a lot of reserved energy. 🙂
Tonight, I was able to watch the current season of American Idol for the first time. Due to the mere fact that i don’t have time to watch the television, i am unaware of what is happening in the world of the idiot’s box. Luckily, when went to Romeo’s place tonight and we had the time to watch.
I only got the chance to see the first seven that performed which included our very own Ramiel Malubay.
I could say that Ramiel lost it tonight. I was able to watch her final screening and it was a lot different. she was better that day than tonight. i wished she has chosen another song.
After watching those contestant, I really admired Kristy Lee Cook, David Archuleta and Carly Smithson. They have natural talent in singing and quality voice. Hopefully, they wouldn’t end up losing because they had the wrong choice of song.
To them and to our fellow filipino Ramiel. I wish you all the best. Good luck and god bless! 🙂