It never goes away.
It stays buried in the deepest part of your soul waiting for any opportunity to take over.
No matter how busy you get, it lingers there in your head.
While you listen to music or watch a movie, it’s there.
While working or playing or in the middle of conversation, it’s there.
While washing dishes or doing the laundry, it’s there.
No matter how hard you try to occupy your head, it’s there.
You’re laughter is heard by everyone but they don’t see your soul fading away.
When you feel alone while being surrounded by people who care is never right.
Let it go.
Let it go.
Let it go.
Keep on moving.
Leave it behind.
Having one doesn’t make you weak. It actually makes you stronger.
To tame such beast and keep it in a small space in your head is a lot of work.
Let it remind you that you are strong. Stronger than that thing that’s eating you inside.
When the beast is whispering in your head, ignore it.
It will try crawl it’s way out but don’t let your shield down.
Good things around you may feel like false happiness but they are stepping stones to be better.
Hold on to those little happy thoughts even if it’s just a grasp.
Little by little, your soul will heal. It is scarred, but it will heal.
Then one day, someday, it will be good.
It is a waiting game. Be patient.
I am not telling you to be happy.
I am telling you to be patient.
I was only going to post a random quote on my facebook status but then, these just came up my head.
* * *
You give your heart to someone hoping that that person will take good care of it.
No matter how well you know that person, he will still have secrets of his own. You cannot see a person’s sides all at the same time. Even in the perception of our eyesight, there will always be a blind spot.
You will just blindly trust him not crush your heart. Even if you said that you will save some love to yourself, you are already giving him everything. You cannot hand someone half of something cause it won’t work.
You give your all with eyes close, taking a frightening step at a time. That is why when you fall, you fall hard and it hurts so bad.
The trust you had given him is now broken.
And there is no turning back.
It’s either you let go or move forward and ignore the hurt.
Sometimes it is better to hold on when there is a persistence to correct the mistake.
But sometimes, letting go is better because in the very first place, why would you hurt that person you love?
Don’t do something stupid that would make you lose that very precious someone in your life.
Trust is not something everyone deserves to have or something that you just hand over to anybody.
It is earned and should be cherished once someone gives it to you.
* * *
If you are doing the right thing, you don’t owe anyone an explanation.
Other people can gossip false accusations about you, for as long as you know the truth, who the hell cares about what they say.
Some will try to meddle and say that they will try to mediate and help, but in reality, they have already judged you and found you guilty of something they don’t have any true knowledge of the truth.
People who truly cares about you won’t put you under fire over frivolous things.
If you always end up fighting with someone, there will come a day that you’ll get tired of never ending battle. An argument where you can never win, and will never ever win no matter how much you try to explain your side.
Hands up. You’ve just had enough of the bickering.
Lots of it.
It’s as if you the only thing you need is to set an audio in repeat. It’s the same argument over and over and over again.
The same set of lines that you hear whenever an old subject is opened and you try to explain the reason why they are wrong.
They just won’t back down without the most ridiculous excuse they can come up with.
Little things that some people try to exaggerate causing fights.
Even if it is out of the subject, it always become the topic.
The emotional blackmail that someone throws at you.
It’s a guilt trip that drives many people insane and many relationships broken.
And when I said relationships, it’s not just the one a couple have but what you have with your family and friends.
Hurt, Strength and Patience.
You will never know how strong you are unless you have suffered so much pain and still be standing on your feet.
That painful feeling in your chest when you are trying to show you are not affected but deep inside you are pounded into million pieces while trying to swallow hurtful words and false accusations.
At the end you just continue what you are doing as if nothing happened.
Congratulations, you have one hell of patience and strength. A very rare gem of its kind.
The thing you do when you have finally calmed down and try to communicate with you inner peace.
Trying to weigh your options for the next things that you have to do.
Trying to contemplate for the right actions to face this battle and probably, to end this feud once and for all.
At the end of the day, who doesn’t want to have one.
I want to travel back in time and give myself a pat on the back and tell the old me that everything will be alright. That all the bitterness in her heart will be gone and that the pain is all worth it, if not because of those tears she cried she won’t experience the happiness her future self is so grateful for. And if not because of the hurdles, she won’t learn how to stand up and walk again. That she don’t need to shut the world out of her life.
I want to tell her how lucky she is to meet the people who will eventually be her friends for life. Who will never turn their back on her despite the fact that she can’t always be physically with them. That in their presence in her Facebook inbox, there is no distance between them. That there are cool stickers to share her thoughts and that she can still have their shoulders to cry on. That she is never alone and never will be.
I want to tell her that there are so many inspiring stories that she’ll learn along the way. That she too will try to inspire others. That no matter how many times she tried to give up on some people, still her stubborn self will still try to help them out. That it is an awesome feeling to see the people she have helped grow and flourish and be better.
I want to tell her that someday in her future, she’ll meet someone who is crazy enough to accept her for who she is. Someone who’ll try to understand her mad world and won’t judge her crazy antics. That someone very sweet is there for her to cheer her up and is willing to draw a smile on her face. Who is willing to stay by her side silently while she stare blankly in the sky. Someone that will guide her to live life and experience the world and appreciate all beautiful things around her. Someone who will make her realize how blessed she is with her life. Someone whose hands perfectly fits hers.
I want to tell her that her world will be filled with love from those who treasure her in their hearts.
And yes, she will be treasured. She will be loved. She will be accepted.
So i’ll hug her tight and wipe those tears and whisper to her, “Stay strong, self. Everything will be alright.”
Just looking back “I Wear Black” 2002
Today I decided to showcase a monthly list of the patterns and palettes I created for the month.
Color therapy has been a great way to reduce stress and colourlovers.com has been a great help for that.
Here are my August 2008 patterns:
August 2008 Palettes