Death is a word that makes me cringe. It won’t make me sleep at night. I oftentimes lie in my bed with my eyes widely open staring blankly at the ceiling. It haunts me in my every dream. I won’t blink an eye because I believe when I do so, it would come for me.
I wish I never knew the sad reality behind that word. This year, a member of our family experienced it. A number of celebrity experienced it. A loved one of other people I know experienced it. Even I someday would experience it. I am just afraid to admit.
Death is the only thing that makes every species even. Some die a peacefully and some in gruesome way but all in all they pass away.
My fear of death may be because of the unknown. What would happen to me after my last breath? Is there really another world? A world that is only meant for souls? What would happen to the people that I love? Would they cry for me when I’m gone? Can they move on? Where will my soul be heading? Will I still remember the marvelous journeys in my life? I wish won’t forget all the memories.
It would be a black and red christmas for us. It’s the first Christmas that Lolo is not around. On the first day of December, it was an extra happy feeling. It’s Christmas! But today, I realized, it will never be the same. I can’t remember that I gave him any gifts. I have a vague memory that I gave him a Christmas card as a kid with my childish writings in plain Crayola drawings. That made me smile.
Every second ticks. Were they worth it? Where did my twenty four years of existence has gone to? Before that creepy word rips the breath out of me, was I able to spent a quality time with my family?
Death is a creepy word and yet it makes me value every second of my life.