Death is a Creepy Word

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Death is a word that makes me cringe. It won’t make me sleep at night. I oftentimes lie in my bed with my eyes widely open staring blankly at the ceiling. It haunts me in my every dream. I won’t blink an eye because I believe when I do so, it would come for me.

I wish I never knew the sad reality behind that word. This year, a member of our family experienced it. A number of celebrity experienced it. A loved one of other people I know experienced it. Even I someday would experience it. I am just afraid to admit.

Death is the only thing that makes every species even. Some die a peacefully and some in gruesome way but all in all they pass away.

My fear of death may be because of the unknown. What would happen to me after my last breath? Is there really another world? A world that is only meant for souls? What would happen to the people that I love? Would they cry for me when I’m gone? Can they move on? Where will my soul be heading? Will I still remember the marvelous journeys in my life? I wish won’t forget all the memories.

It would be a black and red christmas for us. It’s the first Christmas that Lolo is not around. On the first day of December, it was an extra happy feeling. It’s Christmas! But today, I realized, it will never be the same. I can’t remember that I gave him any gifts. I have a vague memory that I gave him a Christmas card as a kid with my childish writings in plain Crayola drawings. That made me smile.

Every second ticks. Were they worth it? Where did my twenty four years of existence has gone to? Before that creepy word rips the breath out of me, was I able to spent a quality time with my family?

Death is a creepy word and yet it makes me value every second of my life.


2 thoughts on “Death is a Creepy Word

    marian said:
    December 8, 2009 at 2:43 PM

    nice contemplation.

    maybe the reason why death is scary for us because we weren’t yet prepared for it. anytime now we could die. if its our time, then its our time. death could come in the middle of our “unfinished business” (die young) or it could be when we’ve already felt satisfaction and our mission in life is completed (die old) – ;D

    ..and yea i’ve felt it too.. I realized that as we grow old, the people we knew were vanishing one by one… :/ notice… someone is at its deathbed (lola/lolo), while another one is an expectant couple (daughter/son). “nawala si papa, pero dumating naman si junior”. cycle of life, isn’t it?

    amen to my long comment.

    jhOy imPeRiaL responded:
    December 8, 2009 at 3:22 PM

    amen to that 😀

    wala lang. the freaking feeling just got to me again

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