Rainy Mushy Monday

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I started to feel sad when Chico and Delle played “Bye Bye” by Mariah Carey. It’ll be exactly 3 months on sunday when my lolo died last April. I really miss him. Can’t help it, I need to unload.

I lived in the province during my elementary years and we had shared quality moments together. Although most of the time, I have a pain in the as* and seems like I don’t care, I really do. I’m just not comfortable showing any affection to them. And the sadder part, I was not there during his last years.

Guilt trip is killing me sometimes thinking that I wasn’t able to say “Thank you” and “I love you”. Of all people, he and Mommy Esen loved me so much, besides my mom of course. No matter how hard-headed I am, they still manage to praise the good things in me. They have accepted whoever I am.

I miss how he messes up my hair and say “Itong batang ire talaga”.

Tears are now pouring in my face just like the heavy rain outside. I just realized how much I miss him and love him.

I don’t know how long I would grieve. I can’t move on. No matter what I do, things around me kept reminding me of him.

I know, he’s proud of my achievements. I know he is. I just wished I could share my stories and adventures with him.

Right now, I feel like a robot. Empty emotions running through my veins.

Btw, it’s my birthday on Sunday. Hope that day I’ll be fine.

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